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4921  General Discussion / General Discussion / Re: PP: Not having a Pet Peeves thread. on: November 18, 2009, 11:57:49 am
PP: Realizing that writing things at five in the morning makes my writing crap.
4922  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: Interview With A Forum Crazy II: Modern Wurfur on: November 18, 2009, 04:42:17 am
Hell yeah, I'd use my pe-
...
Right.

Have you ever made up a story in your head that you really really enjoyed, but never did anything with it?
4923  Art Discussion / Writing / Bill... From Accounting! on: November 18, 2009, 04:34:54 am
Because this is in my head and I can't sleep until it comes out.

NOTE: This is not a serious story, so don't get your panties in a twist about anything in it, yeah?


Chapter 1, In which Bill encounters a wild predator.

 My name is Thomas Bard, and I'm here to tell you the story of a very close friend of mine. The story of one Bill Thanders, a truly extraordinary man.
 I remember the day that I started working here at Money Corp, a rather large business dealing with money and all things related to it. The sky was completely overcast, and rain was coming down so hard that the streets resembled small rivers. I stumbled into the looming sky scraper, sopping wet and clutching my briefcase tight to my chest, as though it would protect me from the curious stares of my soon-to-be peers. Quickly making my way to the elevator, I kept my gaze down as much as I could to avoid making eye contact. Once inside, I pushed the button for the sixth floor, thankful that I was alone as the doors began to close. Much to my chagrin, I heard someone shout "Hold the elevator!" before the doors could close all the way. To this very day, I do not know what made me thrust my briefcase into the gap that morning. I've spent so much time trying to convince myself that it was simply chance, that I simply felt some compassion for this stranger, but ... I'm starting to doubt that, starting to think that it was something more.
 The doors slowly opened, and that was the first time I saw him. He was an ordinary man, then. Almost six feet tall, with slightly long brown hair, wearing a white button up shirt with a blue tie and black slacks, there wasn't really anything separating him from anyone else I had glimpsed at out of the corner of my eye during my rush to the elevator.
 "Ah, Seventy Fifth floor. You're the new guy in our department then?" he asked.
 "Yeah." I mumbled back, staring at the door of the elevator, trying to avoid looking at him.
 "My name's Bill." he said, extending a hand to me.
 "Tom," I replied, "But... Most people just call me Bard."
 "Bard?" He asked, laughing, "I like that. Good nick name. So, what do you think of this building, eh? Biggest in the city. Though, I suppose the company can afford it, yeah?" I laughed and nodded as the elevator doors began to open. "Well, Looks like this is our stop. I guess it's up to me to show you around the office, then."
 I'll spare you a bit here, and give you the short version. Over the next few months, I slowly became more and more comfortable with the people around the office, and Bill and I became close friends. But, eventually, I started noticing that Bill started losing some of his luster, showing up to work looking tired and unkempt. His zeal, his bravado, seemed to disappear. It was almost like he was a shoe on the wrong foot, sort of right, but not completely. Then, one day, everything changed.
 It started like any other, that day. I woke up early in the morning, went through the motions, slowly waking up as I made my way to work. I remember seeing Bill walking into his office as I made my way from the elevator to my desk. He looked as though he'd been up all night. His eyes were red, his shirt wasn't completely tucked in, and he had dark stubble covering his chin. I worried about him for a while, but figured it would be best to let him be for a while, as he looked like he needed some time to himself. I sat down at my desk and began my work, and remained that way for the next few hours.
 Then, without warning, it started. I heard glass shattering from across the office, and immediately felt and heard the rushing of wind. Something had come in. There was a noise from across the office, one unlike any that I'd ever heard, some strange mix between the wails of a crying widow and the roar of a jungle cat. It was followed closely by a crash and a masculine scream. Terrified, I stood up from my chair to see what was happening, and that was when I saw it. It was a horrifying beast, resembling a large cat, but with shaggy fur. It's coat was a deep purple, offset with large black stripes, and it's long tail split about halfway down into three scaly whips ending with sharp looking barbs. But it's face, that is what truly chilled me to the core. It's head, much like it's body, resembled that of a tiger, only it lacked skin of any kind. The muscles were bright red, and it's horrible blue eyes and razor sharp teeth were constantly bared.
 It reared back on two legs and let out that frightening howl once more, and my muscles tightened with fear. It dropped back down to all fours and it's head slowly turned to me. I was unable to run as it began to move towards me, padding in between cubicles, it's eyes trained on me as it went. Paralyzed with fear, I could only watch it come closer and closer until finally, we were face to face. It sniffed at me, then growled quietly, it's breath heavy with the scent of rotting meat. It's blue eyes stared into mine, and I was sure my time was near as it drew it's head back and began to part it's jaws. Then, suddenly, as the beast was surely about to bite, a cup, full of steaming cappuccino, sailed through the air and collided with the side of the creature's face, splashing the both of us with the scalding brew.
 The beast yowled in pain and quickly whipped around, determined to find the source of the mocha assault. The creature froze as it spotted it's prey, and I turned to see who saved my life. Bill in the open door of the office, the wind whipping at his tie, gripping a stapler in one hand and holding the free one open, towards the creature.
 "Leave this place, foul beast, for there is work to be done, and your continued presence will hinder it's completion greatly!" he shouted. The beast, unimpressed by this display of bravery, leaped at Bill, vicious claws extended. Bill, who was expecting this attack, leaped toward the fiendish cat and collided with it mid-air. My breath caught in my throat as I watched Bill wrestle the beast to the ground, pinning it beneath him. He raised the stapler high, then brought it down upon the beast's head with a loud "K-chik!". Bill continued to pound staples into the beast's face as it writhed beneath him in pain. It whipped it's barbed tail against his back again and again, shredding his shirt and ripping long gashes in his back. It even managed to rake it's claws across his chest, cutting deep wounds into him, but Bill continued the offensive. The monster's gruesome face shone with metal as Bill brought the stapler down one last time, ejecting the final staple into the monster's exposed muscle. Out of staples, Bill tossed his weapon aside and resumed his attack using only his fists. Time and time again he struck the beast, and eventually, the monster slowed it's attacks, and it's breath became labored as blood began to leak from it's mouth.
 His victory close at hand, Bill moved over the beast and pinned it's neck down with his knee. He grabbed both sides of the monster's head tightly, and the muscles in his arms and neck began to bulge as he started pulling. The creature started struggling once more, it's pain apparent, but it's death, at this point, was assured. A mighty bellow came from Bill as his face turned a deep crimson, turning into a terrifying visage of complete bloodthirst. The monster's horrible voiced joined with Bill's as the sound of muscles and sinews snapping filled the room. Blood spurted from where Bill's fingers had penetrated the monster's flesh, and the creature's voice died out as it's head came away from it's body.
 Holding his gruesome trophy aloft by a length of spinal cord, Bill turned his face upward and let out a mighty bellow of victory. As he screamed, I felt the hair on my body begin to stand up, and Bill's voice began to stretch and warp, and suddenly, there was a great flash of blue, and I was blasted away from Bill, slamming into my desk, then over it, into the wall behind me.
 The light faded, and what I saw before me was a sight I will never forget. There stood Bill in his ragged white button up and torn black slacks, completely changed. He had grown a foot and a half, and his face now had deep lines in it with a dim blue light shining from them. His eyes were now merely two orbs, glowing that same blue color. Two large horns protruded from his forehead, curving upward and ending in sharp points. He no longer held the head of a vile feline, he now held a mighty doubled sided axe, with the same glowing blue lines as his face, and on his hand he had a white gauntlet, made from the skull of the creature he murdered.
 "B-Bill? Is... That you, man? Are you okay?"
Bill looked down at me, his eyes glowing softly, then he looked down at himself, his shirt half tucked in, his frayed pants now reaching only to his knees, and a smile crossed his face.
 "No... It is not me. I am no longer Bill Thanders. I... I am Bill...From Accounting!"
4924  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: ADMIT IT! (Part dos/deux/two/2/doo) on: November 18, 2009, 01:53:48 am
Animal Crossing is okay, but in my opinion, they're not too similar. Harvest Moon is more... I dunno, driven? Grow crops, build house, buy cows, fuck bitches, get cash, that whole thing. Animal Crossing is more "Pick up seashells and sell them to Tom Nook until you can pay off your debt."
4925  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: ADMIT IT! (Part dos/deux/two/2/doo) on: November 18, 2009, 01:42:05 am
*Remembers when he used to have that, cries because he no longer does*
4926  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: ADMIT IT! (Part dos/deux/two/2/doo) on: November 18, 2009, 01:22:49 am
I admit Harvest Moon > Farmville.

And Cafe World.



And Facebook.
4927  General Discussion / General Discussion / Re: What did we learn today? (Apart from that australian wine rocks.) on: November 18, 2009, 01:13:11 am
Today I learned that Francis hates Canada.

I love the Left 4 Dead original Characters. Fuck the new ones. I'm actually angry right now.
4928  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: Interview With A Forum Crazy II: Modern Wurfur on: November 18, 2009, 12:56:12 am
Hell yeah I would.

Would you ever go skinny dipping... IN A PUBLIC POOL? XD

Totally did that.

Do you think that nudity is funny?
4929  General Discussion / General Discussion / Re: PP: Not having a Pet Peeves thread. on: November 18, 2009, 12:44:18 am
PP: Ensouls being suspicious.
4930  General Discussion / Game Discussion / Re: What are you playing? Episode 2: Sequel Reloaded! on: November 17, 2009, 11:56:49 pm
What is this... Longing Ribbon?
4931  General Discussion / General Discussion / Re: The Anti-Peeve rides again! on: November 17, 2009, 11:50:49 pm
THE WATER IS ONLY HELPING WAILORD! BWHAHAHAHA.

...

D=>

It was meant to make you significantly less comfortable.
4932  General Discussion / General Discussion / Re: The Anti-Peeve rides again! on: November 17, 2009, 11:35:37 pm
NnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


NOT RIGHT!

THAT PENIS... NO. NOT ACCEPTED.

*Follows MLE around, spraying her with a garden hose*
4933  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: Quote Thread on: November 17, 2009, 11:28:57 pm
X is not a full sentence.
4934  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: Quote Thread on: November 17, 2009, 09:16:45 pm
Yeah, That uproarious laughter? Wasn't us. Came from the audience.
4935  General Discussion / General Discussion / Re: The Anti-Peeve rides again! on: November 17, 2009, 09:04:43 pm
*Looks at his clock. It is Tuesday.*

...

Right.


I didn't even hear about Shiny pokemon until very recently, when I got platinum.
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