Every once in a while, a musician feels so passionate about a cause that he or she writes a song to raise money for said cause. Since these songs are written to raise money for charity, it makes it all the more pitiable when they turn out to be enormous piles of crap, such as USA For Africa's "We Are The World" or Artists Against Apartheid's "Sun City". But the worst charity-based song ever written is "Do They Know It's Christmas?", the hit single recorded by Band Aid. Whereas the previous examples were written in earnest, Bob Geldof's message is downright patronizing. Lyrics that inform us that "there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas" are intentionally corny, gleefully penned by a condescending British musician to dupe those he considers his intellectual inferiors into throwing money at his cause. Of course there won't be fucking snow in Africa this Christmas. If there was, it would be environmentally catastrophic; the plants and animals indigenous to Africa are ill-equipped to deal with freezing temperatures. Also, I serious fucking doubt that all those starving Ethiopian children have warm winter jackets. Not only that, but Geldof intentionally misleads the listener into believing Africa is a barren desert "where nothing ever grows" and "where the only river flowing is the bitter sting of tears", neither of which is particularly true. Geldof knew this, of course, but he figured that the average English-speaking adult living in 1984 didn't. He very well may have been correct, but that doesn't fucking excuse him for writing a melodramatic, intellectually dishonest song and getting a bunch of obnoxious British pop icons to sing on it. In fact, both Paul McCartney and George Michael sang on "Do They Know It's Christmas", along with Phil Collins, Sting, Boy George, Banarama, David Bowie, Duran Duran, U2 and a bunch of other people that no one remembers anymore. You know, if someone had blown the studio while they were recording that song, I don't think there's a single person whose death I would have mourned. Well, I'd definitely miss David Bowie because he kicks major fucking ass, except that he wasn't in the studio with everyone else; he was busy, so he mailed in his vocal tracks. Unfortunately, Sir McCartney did the same. Oh well, at least all those other people would be dead. Anyone have a time machine?

AP: Weezer Snuggies.

Someone's a username thief.

Log tip #455: The proper way to enter a room with a closed door.

Step 1: Knock on door.
Step 2: Wait patiently for a response.
Step 3: Enter room.

If you follow these simple steps, you can avoid seeing horrible things. Plain and simple.


The shitty room mate code.
1: Do not ask, Take.
2: Do not Offer, Hoard.
3: Hos before Bros all day, every day.
4: Never share. Period.
5: If your room mate does not like it, do it. Do it around him as often as possible.
6: Other people do not deserve privacy.
7: Never clean. Bitch about messes until others do it.

Who dies within the hour of class starting.

Then they take the fish out of the tank, lay it on the counter, wait a few weeks, then claim the things growing on the corpse are the new class pet. Hell yeah.

Five bucks says you get screwed over and your class pet is a slightly larger than normal goldfish.

PP: This mood makes me want to lie shirtless on my floor, face down, surrounded by empty beer cans. Not drunk, mind you, I don't even like beer. Just surrounded by empty cans.

That looks so cash.

AP: Finally getting to rage all over my friend's now ex girlfriend. She accused him of raping her (because rapists treat you to a meal and a back massage, yeah?).


Basically, 5 minutes in, I got to scream "Don't start crying now, because I'm not even close to being done."

it's not sposed to be a joke.

Pfft, That's lame. There are plenty of perfect elements for off color hilarity there. Animal Crossing, Wheelchairs, Dead relatives, the list goes on.

AP: My goilfiend is going to be at my house from Friday until Tuesday!

*Does the happy dance*

Well, you seem to be a fairly active person, and I'm just going to go ahead and assume you're not going to just LET me eat your brain. So, There we go, bruises.

Yeah, I played the siren at first. Then I dueled my room mate. Then I realized that  I just wasted several hours leveling up a character with shitty skills. Basically, you turn invisible and run fast...

That's it. No shooting guns, no melee attacks while stealth, just running. When you go in and out, you do a little bit of damage, but not enough to be useful. Brick all the way.

I get that, but in the game Animal crossing, there is a "Mom" that mails you gifts, and if you just let the game go, like he did, your mailbox does fill up with mail, from your mom, with presents attached. And that is a much better joke than "Lol my mom mailed me presents then died lol."

They had that at the Dethklok concert in Detroit. You have no idea how happy that made me.

You have no idea how close I was to going to that fucking concert. You also have no idea how close I am to hunting you down and eating your brains for the memories you have locked away in your brain.