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46  General Discussion / Game Discussion / Re: Tears In Gaming on: March 24, 2011, 11:30:23 am
I personally see no reason why crying is "unmanly".
Who says crying is unmanly? That's your word, not mine. When my first girlfrined dumped me, I cried. When my son died of cancer, I cried. But I can't help wondering whether you ever had anything actually bad happen to you, or whether the closest you've come to experiencing genuine loss is the vicarious tragedy provided by movies and video games.  Huh?
47  General Discussion / Game Discussion / Re: Gaming Comfort Foods on: March 24, 2011, 11:15:46 am
And Tetris because for some reason playing with blocks and getting TETRIS makes me happy.

Tetris is awesome.
48  General Discussion / Game Discussion / Re: Tears In Gaming on: March 22, 2011, 10:36:30 pm
There's something vaguely disquieting about the notion that not only are there many people out there who cry to video games, but they've just this moment gathered together to share their experiences.

The only game to make me cry was Splatterhouse. And by "cry," I mean this: Outlaw with an upgrade
49  General Discussion / Game Discussion / Re: Gaming Comfort Foods on: March 22, 2011, 10:32:18 pm
Gauntlet I. The Valkyrie is awesome.

Joust. The Pterodactyl is awesome.

And last but not least, games I proigrammed myself. QBasic is awesome.
50  General Discussion / Game Discussion / Re: Zombie Apocalypse Google Map Style on: March 01, 2011, 01:31:40 am
Thanks for posting this!
51  TZH Discussion / TZH Fan Fiction / Re: Walking Far on: January 28, 2011, 10:42:35 pm
sure it's a little bothersome because your plucking my work, but, I'll read it over a few times anyways so I don't make them again.
That's what we always do in our critique group. I've critiqued a lot of people's work and seen a lot of people improve dramatically. Bad critiques can be really harmful, either because they make people stop trusting criticism, or because people listen to them and screw up their manuscripts. So you should always try to take critiques you get with a grain of salt, and seek out second opinions if you can. It's also really good to criticize other people's work and see what you would fix about things. When you hear enough discussion of your own work and really start analyzing other people's stuff, things open up dramatically.

...Yeah so anyway I really believe in the idea of discussing art and fiction to improve it. In conclusion here are a bunch of smilies!


 He love you long time Slow Going... Yes, I am a smug bastard...
52  TZH Discussion / TZH Fan Fiction / Re: Walking Far on: January 26, 2011, 10:56:36 pm
OK:

Quote
A warm breeze blew across the desert landscape, kicking up dust and decaying chunks of paper. It was a hot day on this plain but the heat never bothered the wondering dead as they aimlessly crowded an abandoned freeway gas station. Roughly fifteen of them either stood still, bumped into broken down vehicles, meandered and/or leaned against the wall; each of these things where hunting for a meal but none of their senses could pick nothing up. However, they all came to action when they herd a sudden PUNK! as something slammed into the colorless metal sign.

Your first sentence is strong, rapidly setting the scene with good imagery and movement.

The first part of the second sentence undoes the work of the first - you already established that it was hot on the plain. The rest of the sentence is good, but it piles adjectives together (which can work, but is usually bad form). Better: "The heat never bothered the wandering dead as they crowded an abandoned gas station by the freeway."

The third sentence also doesn't give new information. One may argue that it does give us a number (about fifteen) but even here the number is unnecessary, since we can already about that number when we think of zombies crowding around in a gas station. Although some authors like to restate things for the sake of the poetry, this sentence reports what's happening matter-of-factly and thus merely slows the progression of the story.

The fourth sentence is better, but it starts off with "however," which is usually not a good word for narrative passages and doesn't work well here. Also, I've come across authors (like Jim Butcher) who say that action should be reported in terms of stimulus -> response. So you might try "Something slammed into the colorless metal sign, breaking the silence with a sudden PUNK!" and then have the zombies jerk into motion in the following paragraph.

Quote
This sound repeated again three times before the undead were surrounding the sign above them, drawn out by the noise. Among the fifteencomma one of them had a pair of glowing red eyesperiod It turned its gaze upward to glare at the signperiod Perfect. A minute passed, then a whiz followed by a sudden fleshy impact, and the red eyed zombie’s head snapped forward. The zombie fell face down with a lifeless thud. A split second latercomma a rifle report was heard.  None of the zombies stirred from the sign **for the sound was still too distant from their sensitive ears.
Mostly grammatical errors here, which I've corrected and bolded. You've also got passive voice where I underlined it; you can get away with it, but it's usually better to pick a stronger verb and reword it. Also, check the asterisks in the last sentence - it's usually better to allow the reader to make inferences to begin with without explaining in terms of "X, for Y..." In addition, you just told us that the rifle report "was heard" and then say "the sound was too distant from their sensitive ears." So I'd just cut everything after "the sign."

Reading further in, it looks like you have good action, and the ability to generate questions that draw the reader in. (Why is the shooter here? What is the calm voice from nowhere?) And you have a rudimentary sense of the dramatic that really helps. But, there are a lot of spelling and grammatical errors that make me flinch. A spell & grammar checker should fix most of the problems.

Hope that helps!
53  TZH Discussion / TZH Fan Fiction / Re: Walking Far on: January 23, 2011, 10:50:22 pm
It's a pet peeve of mine for others to edit my works while not letting me know before hand.
Would you like constructive criticism? I chair a bi-weekly fiction writers' group where we read each others' submissions and make suggestions.
54  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: Day of the Word Association on: December 05, 2010, 09:38:05 pm
rhesus factor
55  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: Day of the Word Association on: November 18, 2010, 06:08:44 pm
MURDER
56  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: Day of the Word Association on: September 19, 2010, 09:38:06 pm
MURDER
57  General Discussion / Game Discussion / Re: Dungeons and Dragons on: September 18, 2010, 05:15:47 pm
You know, I'm not certain because I don't have my DM guide right by my side, but I'm pretty sure that within the first few pages it says "These rules are just a guideline."  So really if you had a problem with a particular rule you could modify them to suit your needs. Aside from that, DnD is more about the people you play with and less about the actual rules and all the other crap.
I would have just bowed out of this thread, but I wanted you to know that even if I don't agree, I did read your post.
58  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: Random Thoughts on: September 18, 2010, 01:31:16 am
Never been to any of the Baltic states and what the heck is a "romance nation"?
Spanish, Italian, and French are "Romance" languages; see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance-speaking_Europe
59  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: Random Thoughts on: September 17, 2010, 03:20:36 pm
...I know you weren't asking me, but I don't know when you'd get a response and because I knew the answer, I thought I'd just toss it out.
It's good.

Awesome BrainBlow, I've been interested in Scandinavian culture for a while. What is your impression of the Scandinavian countries as distinct from, say, the Baltic States or the Romance nations?
60  General Discussion / Random Stuff / Re: Random Thoughts on: September 17, 2010, 03:07:53 pm
So I've just been registered for military examination or whatever you call it in English.
What's your native language?
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