The Zombie Hunters Forum: WE GO THERE.
December 01, 2015, 10:29:03 am *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Oh, Gutted tried to steal supplies, and ended up stealing our hearts.
   Home   Help Search Calendar Login Register  
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 10
 on: November 18, 2015, 10:20:01 am 
Started by Anonymoose - Last post by Anonymoose
Given obesity rates in the United States, a zombie apocalypse here could become problematic right quick. I know, some smartass is going to say "Good for me, I don't have to out run the zombies, just the jiggling fatbody standing next to me", right?

Well, guess again, Braniac. Go down to WalMart, look at the people as you walk to the back and when you are there, think the words 'zombie apocalypse'. Wait a bit and the cold sweats will pass. Yes, they will be slower, but they will be EVERYWHERE. They will not tire. They will not stop. You get the point?

So, what can we do, shoot fatbodies before they become zombies? No, that will get your monkey ass tossed in a cage before they even finish laughing at your 'pre-emptive self defense' defense. That might work for George Zimmerman, but you aint him.

No, what you need to do is corral that fatbody and drag them down to Aqua Zoomba, here at 8pm at the YMCA on Maple and Vine.

Cruel, I will admit, but if it gets the fat off the ass it's worth it, right?

 on: November 18, 2015, 09:53:39 am 
Started by Anonymoose - Last post by Anonymoose
It's as big as a beer can, but really long.....

Foster's. Australian for beer.

Personal edit: Yes, Kitjo, this one was JUST for you. Also, Cthullu (pbhn) says you were a horrible minion, but He still likes your butt.

 on: November 18, 2015, 09:45:08 am 
Started by Anonymoose - Last post by Anonymoose
You ever notice how some women are just too damn skinny? Don't get me wrong here, I understand thin, slim and wiry well enough. Its the just got off the Weight Watchers™ Concentration Camp Diet Plan (patent pending) skinny that I don't get.

For example; Keira Knightly, lovely woman, talented actress, too damn skinny. You would have to be a really hungry zombie to think gnawing on her scrawny, english ass would be worth the effort of chasing it down.

Kirstie Alley, on the other hand, could feed your average zombie for a good while AND she's easy to catch.

 on: November 18, 2015, 06:35:16 am 
Started by Anonymoose - Last post by Anonymoose
I've noticed, over the last few days, that there have been a fair number of folks registering accounts, but no new members showing up. I'm not starting shit with this, I'm just wondering if there's a problem processing the newbs?

 on: November 17, 2015, 06:09:59 pm 
Started by Anonymoose - Last post by Anonymoose
Texans. Most of them can speak english, or drunken english, well to find gainful employment. And yet, I constantly wonder if they are required to be fluent in either to legally carry enough ordinance to take down the Terrasque should his big, scaly ass show in Amarillo.

(I wonder this to myself, mind you, not wanting to contract probably terminal TBAS, with complications.)

Also, in Texas the amount of visible weaponry is inversely proportional to their level of tolerance. Tells you all you NEED to know about the police in Texas.

 on: November 17, 2015, 03:42:37 pm 
Started by Anonymoose - Last post by Anonymoose
Have you ever heard the saying "their ego is so big, it gets here before they do"? Cthullu's (pbhn) ego is so big human astronomers mistook it for the big bang when it entered our universe and He STILL isn't here yet.

Cthullu (pbhn) says I get to live this time because I'm right and may yet prove useful later. I suppose I could look at that as job security of a sort, right?

 on: November 17, 2015, 08:01:47 am 
Started by Anonymoose - Last post by Anonymoose
On the topic of ninja vs. pirates, Cthullu (pbhn) says: When ninja wenches are stolling around bringing me ale, rum and other "goodies" they might have a chance. Until then, Arg mateys, let the pajama clad vermin walk this plank (grabs crotch).

Elder Evil. They have a well developed appreciation for large breasted women bearing adult beverages and an attitude.

 on: November 17, 2015, 07:46:57 am 
Started by Anonymoose - Last post by Anonymoose
Cthullu (pbhn) says: Darwin was right, talking monkeys, deal with it.

Elder Evil. They don't care about your feelings.

 on: November 17, 2015, 07:38:12 am 
Started by Anonymoose - Last post by Anonymoose
As a minion of Cthullu (pbhn), I cannot help but notice some of the differences between the True Faith and those others out there that seem to designed around making life difficult for those who observe them.

For example, atonement. Cthullu (pbhn) understands the need for punishment, but also thinks creative problem solvers make great minions and so punishes only those who get caught. Let the catholics have opus dei, He'll take shadowrunners any day of the week. If the Holy Strollers didn't see it you didn't do it.

Another one is consumption of prohibited food, drink or drugs. Cthullu (pbhn) finds it much easier to 'convert' those who have put effort into altering their own perceptions, and believes there is room for all creatures next to the mashed potatoes.

And then there are prohibitions on sex. Cthullu (pbhn) thinks the best way to defeat an enemy is to outbreed them and encourages us to screw anything willing to hold still long enough. That, and well laid minions are happy, obedient minions.

And then there's the claims of tolerance for differing opinions, but only after you have crusaded or jihaded all others into thinking just like you. Cthullu (pbhn) doesn't care what you think as long as He gets what He wants. You can preach the supremacy of morel mushrooms, but if Cthullu (pbhn) isn't happy, nobody's happy, y'know.?

And then there's that whole heaven and hell aspect. Cthullu (pbhn) makes no promises of a happy ending, in fact, He teaches us that one should enjoy this life as much as possible while we have flesh because our souls belong to Him, and we know how He gets.

On the whole, I can understand the concept of security and community found in faith, minion of Cthullu (pbhn) and all. I also understand the aspect of power, having my own little flock of minions. The part I have problem with is that most religions are just too difficult to implement into ones life efficiently.

As a minion of Cthullu (pbhn) I prefer something more user friendly. Something plug and play, so to speak. Hmmm, come to think it, that kinda makes it sound like every woman I've ever dated....

 on: November 17, 2015, 05:02:01 am 
Started by Anonymoose - Last post by Anonymoose
Cthullu (pbhn) remains unimpressed by most super heroes nowadays. They are little more than one trick ponies far too reliant on gimmicks, mediocre mutant abilities or angst driven teams of unlikely companions who operate on the hopes they will 'come together under pressure'.

There is, however, one that has His attention. Wonder Woman. There's a super hero He could get behind in a big way. And the things He could do with that golden lasso.....

Hold a sec...... the viuals......... Ok, I'm all better now.

Sooooo, Cthullu (pbhn) says: Support your local super heroes! Especially if her tasty kiester is tied to your "sacrificial altar".

Elder Evil. They like the girls that bring their own rope to the party.

Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 10
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.19 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!