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Author Topic: what do you think?  (Read 1333 times)
gen hiroshi
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« on: September 04, 2009, 09:57:04 am »

                                               Darkest darkness
                                               
                                            A short story created by leonidas

It was a dark day at the bluffs near Athens; the sky was storming with the rage of Zeus, the seas churning with the anger of Poseidon, and one mans heart clouded with the darkness of Hades. He stood, as if contemplating his fate, his tears streaming down his face. With one last “goodbye”, he cast himself from the highest cliff in all of Greece. The wind rushed though his hair and his tears streamed from his eyes as the sharp rocks of the agean sea met him. But this is not the beginning of our sad tale, but the end, if you want to hear the whole thing, you must go back three days, the happiest yet most gutwenchingly horrible three days of our young Athenians life.




It was a beautiful day in Athens, Apollo driving his blazing chariot across the sky, illuminating all of Greece, Demeter’s love keeping all of the earth green and lovely, and Artemis keeping the forests filled with woodland creatures from witch the people of the world could get nourishment. It was on this day that our “hero” awoke. His name was peram, the eldest son of a carpenter and quite skilled at his family trade.
He sat, still groggy from his nightmare, yet another falling dream. He could not register this as an omen of his own sad fate; he just dismissed it as the bad pitas he has ingested the night before making their comeback. He was also jittery, for today was the test that would decide his fate, the “Trial of Hephaestus”, this trial was a grueling trek up mount Olympus to meet the gods, and hopefully become their champion, a hero to carry out the will of the gods. Peram yawned, stretching his muscles and leaping from his mat, ready to greet the day.
                               ******************************************
He was ready, standing at the base of mount Olympus. His trek there was slow and uneventful, he was edgy, and bloodlust ran through him. Ahead of him lay the temple of Hercules, the man who took the test before him and passed, and gained the powers of a god, slaying the hydra and the catoblepas, but yet was done in by his own power. Peram already knew of what the test was, he had to slay everybody inside, imitating the madness of the old champion who murdered his entire family.

He entered, Hellion shield in one hand, sirens blade in the other, the thrill of the hunt flowing through his vanes 
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I've always wonderd, the facehuggers off of alien. the put eggs in your gut, right? does that mean they are having sex with your mouth?
Cheez
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« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2009, 10:15:44 pm »

Stuff I fixed in bold.

                                               Darkest darkness
                                               
                                            A short story created by Leonidas

It was a dark day at the bluffs near Athens; the sky was storming with the rage of Zeus, the seas churning with the anger of Poseidon, and one man's heart clouded with the darkness of Hades. He stood, as if contemplating his fate, his tears streaming down his face. With one last “Goodbye”, he cast himself from the highest cliff in all of Greece. The wind rushed though his hair and his tears streamed from his eyes as the sharp rocks of the Aegean sea met him. But this is not the beginning of our sad tale, but the end, if you want to hear the whole thing, you must go back three days, the happiest yet most gutwrenchingly horrible three days of our young Athenian's life.




It was a beautiful day in Athens, Apollo driving his blazing chariot across the sky, illuminating all of Greece, Demeter’s love keeping all of the earth green and lovely, and Artemis keeping the forests filled with woodland creatures from which the people of the world could get nourishment. It was on this day that our “hero” awoke. His name was Peram, the eldest son of a carpenter and quite skilled at his family trade.
He sat, still groggy from his nightmare, yet another falling dream. He could not register this as an omen of his own sad fate; he just dismissed it as the bad pitas he has ingested the night before making their comeback. He was also jittery, for today was the test that would decide his fate, the “Trial of Hephaestus”, this trial was a gruelling trek up mount Olympus to meet the gods, and hopefully become their champion, a hero to carry out the will of the gods. Peram yawned, stretching his muscles and leaping from his mat, ready to greet the day.
                               ******************************************
He was ready, standing at the base of mount Olympus. His trek there was slow and uneventful, he was edgy, and bloodlust ran through him. Ahead of him lay the temple of Herakles*, the man who took the test before him and passed, and gained the powers of a god, slaying the hydra and the catoblepas, but yet was done in by his own power. Peram already knew of what the test was, he had to slay everybody inside, imitating the madness of the old champion who murdered his entire family.

He entered, Hellion shield in one hand, siren's blade in the other, the thrill of the hunt flowing through his veins. 

*Hercules would be OK, but I just prefer the actual Greek name for him.



Other than the corrections, there's not enough here to tell if it's any good or not.
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Cheez is also a raptor...pirate. A raptor pirate. Playing chess.
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gen hiroshi
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« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2009, 07:16:13 am »

OXO.........


thank you! it is only a work in progress..........
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I've always wonderd, the facehuggers off of alien. the put eggs in your gut, right? does that mean they are having sex with your mouth?
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