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Author Topic: Satire... Canadian Satire  (Read 866 times)
Jetraymongoose
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« on: October 04, 2009, 02:24:52 pm »

I also wrote this for my English class. A background:

We had to write a satire about anything current, so I wrote about Canada's involvement in the war in the middle east. If you don't understand a part or two, just ask and I'll clarify, enjoy!

Satire

ďThese memos take place at the beginning of the War in the Middle East for referenceĒ



Memo from the desk of the Commander in Chief of the Canadian Forces:

Dear President Harper,

For the war, we are in dire need of new vehicles and supplies. We cannot keep up with the other armies we need something new. My suggestion is we spend $800 billion dollars on a flying dragon tank that breathes fire. In these troubling economic times, this project could unify the country into something to be proud of for once, and not those useless peace keeping missions we send troops to. Nobody cares or notices about those, I actually stop those. We never get anything done with them anyways. Please send a return memo back with your ideas on this subject.

Sincerely,
MichaŽlle Jean


Memo from the desk of the Canadian Prime Minister:

Dear MichaŽlle,

I have taken into consideration your request about new equipment or vehicles. WE could build the dragon tank, and I agree, it will add a national sense of unity and pride, but the war will be over by the time we build it. I am sure nobody in the country will see this as a waste, but we will be careful. I did not leave you to drown on this topic though. We sold all of our good helicopters, and bought cheaper older ones, so we had more money to buy the armed forces an old submarine This submarine will be in great use in the war in the middle east, and helicopters were useless, so all around this was quite a good trade. Reply with thoughts and comments.

Sincerely,
Stephen Harper


Memo from the desk of the Commander in Chief of the Canadian Forces:

Dear President Harper,

Sir that was such a brilliant idea you had about the helicopters and submarine. It is a shame we could not get the flying dragon tank approved, but this is a good turn of events. Some outsider columnists, well the ones you do not own and pay to say good things, are saying that this deal was bad. I personally think this was a good idea, and we in the armed forces decided to go through and do some budget cuts as well so we can help the economy. Here is a list of things we cut:
- Extra armor on our jeeps to protect them from I.E.D explosions,
- Extra ammo magazines,
- Beds for the soldiers( they sleep on folded down cardboard boxes with sleeping bags)
- Rations( They eat sand now)
- Water( the soldiers hallucinate now and think sand is food, cutting back the rations as previously mentioned)
- Extra tires for vehicles,
- We sent back all the French troops because we didnít think they could fight( which cuts back the pay)
- We fired and sold three quarters of our artillery units and controllers to some local merchants( they seemed quite honest though, I donít think anything bad will happen)
- All our detailed plans to local merchants mentioned before (The secret documents were taking up too much room).

I hope you think these cut backs were a good idea. We all thought it was, and have already gone through with them, so mission accomplished. Please reply with any thoughts or comments.


Sincerely,
MichaŽlle Jean


Memo from the desk of the Canadian Prime Minister:

Dear MichaŽlle,

Thank you for taking the initiative and making those budget cuts. I am sure nothing terrible will happen like our soldiers being killed because of these cuts. I will take full responsibility, pull our troops out, and bring them back to Canada if anything happens because of this. I doubt this will happen at all, and I hope the citizens of Canada realize how much of a good idea this all was. I am sure with these in mind I can win the next election with a majority. Even if I did not those other people running against me would never be smart enough of thinking of creating a coalition government. Even though it is well within in the government laws and is easily justified, it is unpatriotic. Like, look at the United States. George W Bush really knows how to run a country. He may just be the best president yet. He mentioned some small problem with the banks and house mortgages, but I am certain he will do just fine. Everybody loves him; I just wish everybody would love me and what I do like America loves him. On a different note, have you heard anything about this senator, something Obama? He has some crazy ideas, but some people are starting to like him in America. Please comment and reply what you think.

Sincerely,
Stephen Harper
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