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Author Topic: Rainbows and Emeralds!  (Read 4645 times)
Grammer
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« on: August 18, 2009, 05:07:10 am »

To celebrate this blank page for writing, I wish to introduce you to the ultimate character. Forumites, please be nice to:

~~~~~~

Jennifer Amaterasu Sophitia Sevilla Umpire got out of bed and brushed her perfectly rainbow coloured hair out of her face. Before she started to search her somewhat messy, yet incredibly stylish, room for clothes, she took a moment to admire herself in the gold-framed, full-body mirror that occupied one side of her room. Emerald green eyes, with just a hint of jade, looked back out of it at her perfect,pale-skinned body.

For this beautiful day, yet slightly cloudy day, which perfectly mirrored her mood, she choose white underwear, a black leather corset with red flower patterns and a pair of worn, blue jeans. To wear on top of the corset, she choose a black leather coat, which she left open in the front.

Breakfast was some perfectly golden, like the yellow stripes in her hair, cereal, with liberal amounts of sugar added. Of course, the sugar would never be quite as sweet as her smile, but she was sure it could handle that.

A quick brush ensured that her blendingly white teeth would remain pearly white. After collecting her katana case, she went to school. She never went anywhere without the weapon, it was a gift from one of her mother's trips to Japan. It went without saying that she was the best fencer at school.

As usual, all the puny males were waiting in the school yard for her entrance. Several kissed the ground behind her, as was only proper.

“EEEWWWWWW! Not you!” she screamed, and kicked away Edward Mousewich. That little pervert had tried to fall to his knees in front of her. Honestly, who wanted to be seen with that bespectacled little freak. He hadn't had a haircut for years!

Once she was inside the building, Jennifer Amaterasu was immediately surrounded by other girls, all clamoring for her attention. She choose to deign to acknowledge a few of them, obviously not as pretty as her, with hellos. The other girls turned jealous stares at these fortunates.

The first class of the day was mathematics. They had recently had their end of term test, and from the pile of papers at the teacher's desk, it was obvious that they would be getting the tests back. Once the tests were handed out, the teacher, of course, lauded her for her test. As always Jennifer Amaterasu had gotten a perfect score.

When the two hours of maths was done, Jennifer Amaterasu had leaned back and chewed bubble gum once the teacher was done talking about her, it was biology. Also here they were getting tests back, and once again, she had attained a perfect score.

Once the class was done, she swept out of the classroom, with several class mates falling into her rainbow-coloured wake. Since this was the lunch break, there was only one place to go, the cafeteria.

“We have the special chicken noodles you wanted, miss Amaterasu,” the cafeteria lady said, and handed her a bowl.  Jennifer Amaterasu took the food and strode off to her usual table, right at the center of the cafeteria.

It was only when she had eaten a little, using a pair of white porcelain chop-sticks and without spilling a drop of sauce on her clothes, that she noticed the new person in the cafeteria. He was sitting alone at a corner table. She noticed him, because no one else at the school would wear a black leather trench coat. Only she was allowed to do that. How dare he?

“Who is that guy?” she hissed at one of the other girls at the table. She couldn't quite remember the blonde's name, but it didn't matter.

“I-I don't know,” the girl stuttered. “I heard something about a new student.”

Without a moments hesitation or contemplation, she strode over to this offending figure.

“Who are you?” she demanded.

The boy, actually, young man was more appropriate, he had the shadow of a beard, looked up from his cafeteria hamburger and into Jennifer Amaterasu's emerald, with a touch of jade, green eyes.

“It' polite to say your own name before demanding someone else's, but as you apparently is somewhat lacking in the manners department, I'm Matt,” he answered, and went back to his hamburger.

Jennifer Amaterasu felt the blood flooding into her face. How dared he! How could some lowly being speak to HER, the most popular girl in school, like that? It wasn't right!

“I am Jennifer Amaterasu Sophitia Sevilla Umpire,” she said, as haughtily as she could manage, while sweeping back her hair. It caught the light and glittered in its myriad colours. “And I'm not done talking to you!”

“Too bad I'm done talking to you, then,” Matt said and got up. Before the somewhat befuddled Jennifer Amaterasu really knew what was going on, he had swept past her and left the cafeteria. The cafeteria, which had been deadly silent during this exchange, now came alive with conversation again. Jennifer Amaterasu sat down on her seat, still perfectly warmed from when she last sat in it, but was far too upset to finish her meal. HOW DARED HE!?

She completely ignored what went on in the last two classes of the day, not even listening when the teachers, once more, lauded her perfect scores. When the day was done, she found herself lingering outside the school, instead of going home as she usually did. And it didn't take long before he came.

Matt looked down at the rainbow haired figure waiting for him. From her stance and glare, it was pretty damn obvious it was him she was waiting for.

“What's your problem?” he asked her.

“Shut up!” she screeched. “Shut up shut up shut up uresanai uresanai uresanai!”

“Jeez, you have problems,” he said, and made to brush past her.

“YOU DON'T TALK LIKE THAT TOO ME!” she screamed and pulled her sword. Fast as her draw was, she wasn't faster than him. He jumped backwards, out of the sword's reach. Jennifer Amaterasu made to take a second swing, when there was a loud explosion. The gun-shot didn't really sound like it did on TV. For one, it was much louder.

Jennifer Amaterasu was unable to see the smoking gun Matt was holding, or his horrified expression. That was because the bullet had entered through her left eye and made a rather ugly mess of her brain, before it hit the back of her skull and took with it a sizable bit of it.

By the time the police arrived, Jennifer Amaterasu Sophitia Sevilla Umpire was very, very dead.

The entire school mourned her loss.

~~~~~~

By the way, this is a failed experiment, there's a lot of things i consider wrong with it, like the lacking purple prose and the horrible ending, but they will never be corrected. The ending is as it is because I realized how long this was becoming and didn't want to have any more to do with the character.
« Last Edit: August 18, 2009, 08:21:25 am by Grammer » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2009, 08:00:18 am »

Failed experiment or no, I liked it. had I not known you, I'd have thought it was an actual crappy Mary Suefic. I was praying for her death from the start, and you did not disappoint.
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« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2009, 08:20:53 am »

Wut? I though anyone who had read my stuff would immediately know I just LUVES MAH MARY SUES!

And for the record, her name is based upon "Jerkass Sue".

She had to die >.<
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« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2009, 08:25:20 am »

I was praying for her death from the start, and you did not disappoint.
Cheez sums up my feelings on this is a sentence.
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Grammer
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« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2009, 08:28:35 am »

You... You don't love my character?

MEAN FUKRS! IM GONE GT MYFRINDS AND BEAT YOU!
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« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2009, 09:27:36 am »

i m gramers maispace frend n u r gona b soree u evur m8d fun uf him storee bkuz it wuz tha bestest evar n u r a peece uv shot n myspace iz so cul n i hav 23487904759246490862208762780260872608256253623576523056 moar myspace frends tht r reely just me in seprit acownts but it luk lyk i m poplar so it wurk n we cum beet u up omfglolwtflmaorotflbbqhaha!!1!@

-pats Grammer-

It's okay, mate.  Some people are just meant to be annoying.  Especially JASSU.
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« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2009, 03:12:50 pm »

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this. But, I did lol.
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Grammer
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« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2009, 04:06:43 pm »

It was supposed to be serious bisnis, of course. I find it insulting that you laugh at my perfect creation.
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« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2009, 01:04:17 am »

I really liked the writing.  Depite the many many grammatical errors, I found it very enticing to be inside the head of a girl who was about as perfect and loved as Bella from Twilight  (though thank god I have never read the books nor seen the movie).  I found myself envying Matt.  He was the perfect solution.

Also, it kind of seemed to me that they, standing next to each other, would look sorta like the main guy/girl couple from Shaman King.


Anyways, can someone send me a link from what this story was based off of?  This "Mary Sue" whatevs?
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Grammer
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« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2009, 01:44:05 am »

In this case, the grammatical errors was a conscious, stylistic choice. It's not how I usually write.

Mary Sue: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MarySue This was based on the sub-category Jerkass Sue.
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« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2009, 01:50:30 am »

aha! I see now.  too bad there isn't an ACTUAL character this is based off of.  I would like to see a cartoon/anime/anything with a Mary Sue char.  Oh wait...no, I'm NOT watching or reading Twilight Tongue
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« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2009, 07:28:47 am »

Well, the trope was named after a charater from an episode of Star Trek: TOS if I remember correctly, you could try tracking that down.
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Grammer
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« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2009, 01:09:43 pm »

What I heard is that it's named after a character in a Trek fan-fic.
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« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2009, 01:41:26 pm »

Grammer's right.  I looked it up, and it all originated with fanfics, and have stayed in fanfics.  The only real Mary Sue character out there is Bella.  Well, and maybe Harry Potter Tongue
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Grammer
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« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2009, 01:46:54 pm »

Harry Potter's not very Sue-ish. Sure, he's a bit stupid, but he's not really a Sue.
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