Quote Thread

[Lambeth]

Zingoleb just had a Anal Prolapse surgery

On this other forum I post on Chuck Norris is word filter'd into anal prolapse.

He just had Chuck Norris surgery. 

[Ralion]

"Accident is the mother of invention."

From a fortune cookie.

[NerdPower!]

Henriksen: I...I shot the sheriff
Dean: But you didn't shoot the deputy.

[Stan]

"Wait...So we get to be right next to a rock concert, and fight zombies at the same time? THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"

"Man, this is like the... fourth time the Midnight Riders saved my skin?"

"Did I ever tell you about the time Keith and I made Fireworks? I mean, I didn't know shit about chemistry, but Keith figured Gasoline Burns, right?"

~Ellis from Left 4 Dead 2.

This is why i love vidya games.

[Cassadar]

anarchostaliniste@hotmail.com sagt (00:17):
 No, I didn't bring turkey home.
 Turkey is a large country that doesn't fit in my purse

[RiceGuard]

GameStop Preview on Final Fantasy 13

By: A Customer     Date: Friday, Dec 18, 2009
Did anyone else read the street date guarantee? it says not responsible for a chocobo mailman shortage.

lol

[Dr. McNinja]

I just snorted something so strong that my nose started bleeding.

You're supposed to DRINK Coke. :downs:

...Sherbert?

Ketamine, am I right?

...Sherbert?

Chopped onions.

The fuck did you do that for?

I don't know anymore, man.

[Stan]

SCREEN CAP'D!

[Cheez]

Adam says:
 But generally, you'll find sniper rifles are spring-action or gas action, because despite their downfalls, gas generally provides a more powerful shot.
 And springers are good for patient people.
 Haha
Nihtgenga says:
 Patience? Bah. I'm typically WW1 with my tactics- Full frontal!
 *cough*nudity*cough*

[Sammich!]

RB: Speaking of unfortunate
RB: Have you seen the new "Booty Pop" undergarments?
Me: Wtf, Booty Pop? Er...apparently not XD
RB: I thought I was watching MADTV until I realized there was no laugh track
RB: Basically, they're like padded Bras, only they make your butt look like it sticks out six more inches instead of your boobs.
Me: ..........
Me: *Sigh*
Me: I swear. I'm moving to fucking Mars. It's fucking happening. There's no hope left
RB: XD
RB: Please let me know when you're leaving so I can pack and be at the launch site.  Carpooling is less expensive. XD

[ensouls]

"...they cross the Great Uncanny Valley like Romans crossing the Rubicon..."
-the Bad Webcomics Wiki

[Ralion]

I'm going to say nothing significant.

Taken out of context.

Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok

[Lambeth]

        To be the very best
        Like no-one ever was

    To catch them is my real test.
    To train them is my causee.

Women are NOT pets to be caught and trained.

hurr

[Ralion]

Homestuck.

-- adiosToreador [AT] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

AT: hEYYY,
AT: fIRST, oK, i THINK YOU'RE AWFUL,
AT: lET'S PUT THAT FACT ON THE TABLE WHERE WE CAN BOTH SEE IT,
AT: nOW YOU HAVE BEEN PRIMED FOR THE DIGESTIVE RUINATION THAT'S ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE, aND THE COMPREHENSIVE SOILING OF THE LAUNDRY ENVELOPING YOUR PERSON,
TG: oh my god you type like a tool
AT: yEAHHH,
AT: nOW YOU'RE GETTING IT, wHAT YOU ARE IN FOR,
AT: aRE YOU READY TO BE TROLLLLLED,
AT: wITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR MISERABLE HUMAN CORTEX,
TG: this is so weak im almost getting tired of wasting good material on you guys
TG: its like
TG: youve got nothing
TG: its always one of you sprouting up and ranting about how hard im about to get trolled
TG: with no ensuing substance
TG: you dont even know anything about us
TG: one of you fuckers thought i was a girl
AT: oK, yEAH, bUT,
AT: tHE THING IS, tHAT i DON'T CARE,
AT: aBOUT YOUR ANATOMICAL DETAILS, aND THINGS LIKE THAT,
AT: i KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE,
AT: oR WILL DO, aCTUALLY,
AT: iT'S THE MOST AWFUL THING, tHE WORST YOU CAN EVER DO,
TG: sorry i wouldnt cyber with you dude
TG: in the future or whatever
AT: wHAT, wAIT,
AT: oH,
AT: oK, yOU'RE THE ONE WHO LIKES TO SUBMIT INNUENDO,
TG: human innuendo
AT: yES, hUMAN iNNUENDO,
AT: sORRY FOR THE LACK OF CLARITY,
TG: so at what point in the future am i supposed to look forward to you whipping up this titanic hankerin for my knob
AT: uH,
TG: be honest with me
TG: cause im busy
TG: and i want to know exactly when i got to clear some space in my calendar for when some fuckwit blunders out of a magical phone booth and makes a ballad-inspiring play for my throbbing beef truncheon
AT: sHOULD i BE PERTURBED BY THESE ALLUSIONS,
TG: no man
TG: look
TG: i just need to know when to be there
TG: when the stars come into alignment and your flux capacitor lets you finally sate your meteoric greed for crotch-dachshund
TG: i wouldnt want to miss it and cause a paradox or something
TG: itd suck if the universe blew up on account of you missing your window of opportunity to help yourself to a pubescent boy's naked spam porpoise
AT: uHHH,
AT: oK, THIS IS SORT OF STARTING TO UPSET ME,
TG: jesus you are such a shitty troll
AT: i GUESS i'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE,
AT: aND FIND ANOTHER POINT IN TIME TO BOTHER YOU,
AT: wHEN, i GUESS,
AT: yOU ARE MORE EMOTIONALLY SUSCEPTIBLE, aND DON'T HAVE ALL THESE BEES IN YOUR BONNET,
AT: aBOUT YOUR HUMAN SEXUALITY,
TG: oh no
TG: no dude
TG: you sassed me up
TG: we are in THE SHIT now
TG: together
TG: for the long haul
AT: i,
AT: wHAT,
TG: we're motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch
TG: you and me
TG: welcome to nam
TG: now grab my hand and shimmy your soggy ass off that muddy bank before charlie gets the fuckin drop
AT: uHHH, wHO,
AT: wHO'S CHARLIE,
TG: hes the guy whos gonna read our vows
TG: im feeling pretty friggin MATRIMONIAL all a sudden
TG: take a look down by your foot see that little bottle
TG: stomp on that shit like its on fire
TG: noisy ethnic dudes are flipping the fuck out and waving us around on chairs til someone gets hurt
TG: im your 300 pound matronly freight-train
TG: and my gaping furnace is hungry for coal so get goddamn shoveling
AT: oH MY GOD,
TG: bro look in my eyes
TG: that twinkle
TG: that be DEVOTION you herniated pro wrestlers sweaty purple taint
TG: sparklin like a visit from your fairy fuckin godmother
TG: shit be PURE AND TRUE
TG: thats what you see
TG: a kaleidoscopic supernova of all your hopes and dreams all swishin together
TG: radially effevescing arms of more little boy peckers than you can imagine
TG: turning out insane corkscrew haymakers of a billion dancing vienna sausages strong
TG: this is how we do this
TG: this shits more real than kraft mayo

-- adiosToreador [AT] blocked turntechGodhead [TG] --

[SharpArcher01]

while trawling /tg/ I came across this gem:

(on Chairman Kaga of Iron Chef fame)

"I once saw Kaga blind a man just by smiling at him. Then he bit into a pepper and the dude's face melted right off.

Kaga just looked at him, and BAM. The guy's remains turned into a magnificent twelve-course feast. Complete with lightly seasoned appetizers, a wine-and-cheese display, refreshing fruit for between courses, all on incredibly ornate serving-platters.

AND HE WAS DELICIOUS."