Quote Thread

[LordSappington]

Upon counting my birthday money and realizing I have $90 cash

Dad: What will you do with your newfound wealth?
Me: Buy Ethiopia.
Dad: What'll you do with the rest of it?

[suntzu]

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins, you can't imagine the smell.
--Robert Byrne

[MLE]

This one is a bit long, but--

You: You really shouldn't talk to strangers, you know.
Stranger: im a boig boy!
Stranger: im 16 i can do whatevah i want
You: BUT MOMMY LOVES YOU ;A; She's only worried about your safety.
Stranger: eh, i do drugs everyday!
You: I ride a unicorn everyday.
Stranger: i ate one
Stranger: with rainbow mustered on it
You: You ate Bale!? D8 Did the rainbow mustard at least sparkle?
Stranger: sparkled all the way down my throat! yummy!
You: Ah, okay. I can forgive you now C:
Stranger: u can have some if u want?1
You: -noms on unicorn-
Stranger: boo yeah!
Stranger: it was a trick! that wasnt unicorn but uranium!
You: DDDD8 I THOUGHT IT WAS OMNICRON?!
Stranger: i know!! i have tricked you, you fool!
You: I feel so ashamed! I knew I shouldn't have listened to that koala!
Stranger: im no koala!
Stranger: u are a koala!
You: Blasphemy! I won't listen to your lies -climbs up Eucalyptus tree-
Stranger: Good thing I am a lumberjack!
You: Nooo
Stranger: *tkaes out battle axe, hacks away*
Stranger: take this enviornment!
You: It's super effective!
Stranger: *takes out match* only I can start forest fires!
You: And only I can abduct you -shwangssss through UFO-
Stranger: oh snap
Stranger: im afraid of aliens!
You: I win. -probes-
Stranger: =[

[Lambeth]

From my TF2 server

Lemmiwinks:  I'm high right now guys, I don't know how well I'll do
 *I airshot him*
Me: Wow I just airshotted a stoned pyro, I'm so pro.
Someone: Ninja Rush has achieved "Sky High"

[Grammer]

 (Lox): Haha, when you said "Fairy tale" I imagined you sitting and reading the novelization of My Little Pony.
(23:56:41) (Grammer): ...
(23:57:09) (Grammer): You do know that Fairy Tail is a manga with pretty damn awesome magic fighting (and girls), right?
(23:57:30) (Lox): I do now.
(23:57:42) (Grammer): Just making sure...
(23:57:56) (Grammer): Because I'm totally into my little pony.
(00:00:22) (Lox): Hey, they ARE cute, for sure, those pesky little pink ponies.
(00:01:00) (Grammer): I know. You glance at one, and then you get drawn back by those glittery, beady lil' eyes.
(00:01:06) (Grammer): It's scary.
(00:03:28) (Lox): Yeah.
(00:03:42) (Lox): Hey, "The Pink Pony", that almost sounds like a supervillain. 8o
(00:03:58) (Grammer): Oh gods, poor guy!
(00:05:11) (Lox): Yeah. I can imagine Bond coming up with a badass comment before whacking him.
(00:05:37) (Grammer): I CAN IMAGINE HIS COSTUME! ARRRRGH!
(00:06:15) (Lox): AHAHAHAHA.

[Ralion]

"Today was a very cold and bitter day, as cold and bitter as a cup of hot chocolate, if the cup of hot chocolate had vinegar added to it and were placed in a refrigerator for several hours. Aside from the weather, however, the day was as normal as a group of seals with wings riding about on unicycles, assuming that you lived someplace where that was very normal, until a mysterious - a word which here means 'arcane' - stranger came through the revolving door.

"The stranger was a woman, at least as tall as a small chair and probably as old as someone who attended nursery school many years ago. She was entirely dressed in articles of clothing, and had nothing on her feet except a pair of socks and two shoes. She cast a desperate glance around the lobby of the building, which was as empty as a beehive when all of the bees have been driven out of it, and thrust a packet of papers into my hands and began to speak in a voice that reminded me distinctly of her own."

(Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography)

[Sammich!]

Friend: omg i just noticed something in zombiehunters
Me: Eh?
Me: Charlie is more awesome than he's ever been? lol
Friend: yes but if you look at the strip you notice one of the council guys looks like Louis
Friend: *current
Me: Hahah, he does in that picture XDDD
Me: He's pretty muscly though, it looks like: http://thezombiehunters.com/index.php?strip_id=197
Friend: so that is what happens when Louis has his pills....
Me: XDDD Hahah. GRABBIN' PILLS

[Grammer]

FROM: THE DESK OF THE CO-ORDINATOR, National Lottrey Sweeptake PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT. MICROSOFT CORPORATION WORLD LOTTERY UNITED KINGDOM.61-70 Southampton Row,Bloomsbury London . United Kingdom WC1B 4AR.ELECTRONIC MAIL AWARD

WINNING NOTIFICATION.

AWARD PRESENTATION CENTER:

UNITED KINGDOM.

 

    WINNING NOTIFICATION!       

Reference No:............. ILP/HW/AF.

Batch No:........... 006/5432/AF/07.

Ticket Number:..............SPL/382647/MA.

 

  Dear Lucky Winner No.5,

We the National Internet Lottrey Sweeptake, MICROSOFT COOPERATION MANAGEMENT WORLDWIDE are pleased to inform you of our this year's winners of our annual National Electronic Email Promotion. conducted in AFRICA BEING THE HOST OF THE EVENT FOR THIS PRESENT YEAR MEGA JACKPOT LOTTO WINNING PROGRAMS HELD ON  27 th AUGUST  2009. ticket number: SPL/382647/MA. WINNER NO: 5 with REFERENCE NO: ILP/HW/AF. and BATCH NO: 006/5432/AF/07. which subsequently won you lottery in the 2nd category of file You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of, US$850,000,00.   (EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTHY THOUSAND.USD DOLLARS) .

 

All participants in this lottery program were selected randomly through a computer ballot system, drawn from 85.000.000 individual email addresses from all search engines.Your e-mail address was picked by the automated computer ballot system, which has been programed for this random selection. This has eventually qualified you for the Winning.This promotional program takes place annually, and is promoted and sponsored by eminent personalities, Sultan of Brunei, Bill Gates of Microsoft Inc.With the support of European corporate companies and organizations to encourage the use of Internet and computers worldwide.

 

Please contact MR PETER SAMUEL In africa ( Vietnam )

 for your claim with the following details below to enable the speedy evaluation and processing of your winning.

1.Your Full Name:...........
2.Your Age:.................
3.Your Sex:.................
4.Your Address:.............
5.Your Phone:...............
6.Your Country:.............
7.Your Email:...............
8.Your Ticket Number........
9.Your Batch Number........

10.Refrence Number............

 

Please

Contact Your Claims Agent Office:

Name: MR PETER SAMUEL

Email : petersamuel@sify.com

 

 

Remember, all prize money must be claimed not later than the 27th september 2009. All funds not Claimed on or before the fixed date will be returned as Unclaimed and donated to charity organizations in africa .

Congratulations, once more from the entire Management and Staff of Microsoft Cooperation to all our lucky winners this year. Thank you for being part of this promotional lottery program. Our special thanks and gratitude to Bill Gate of Microsoft and all his Associates for alliviating poverty round the World.


We advice that you adhere strictly to these procedures to avoid disqualifications and subsequent cancellation.The above detailed information will be absolutely necessary to facilitate the process of your winning .Once again!  please Note that this winning is valid for one month and failure to issue claims after this period, your money will be automatically vold.

Congratulations!   


Sincerely,

Mikel Luga

Microsoft Mega Jackpot Lottery.
Lottery Zonal co-ordinator.

Most of that was actually size 18, bold, but out of consideration to others, I decided not to duplicate the formatting. It was not a pretty read.

And yes, I love spam mail and read all of it. Serisouly, I do.

[suntzu]

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
--Woody Allen

[ensouls]

"We are two guys from the future."
"Yeah, right. Now get the hell out of here!"
"Don't shoot! Is that a gun?"
That gave me pause; it was a flashlight. There were two of them. They both wore shimmery suits. The short one was kind of cute. The tall one did all the talking.
"Lady, we are serious guys from the future," he said. "This is not a hard-on."
"You mean a put-on," I said.

-"Two Guys From the Future," Terry Bisson

[Zog]

"We're supposed to talk to meat."     
"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."     
"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"     
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."     
"I thought you just told me they used radio."     
"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other.
They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

- "They're Made Out of Meat" by Terry Bisson

[Dr. McNinja]

They talk by fapping their meat at each other.

This is what I read it as first time.

[DarkMilly]

ok ok, I know this is a song, but the lyrics to the song, for me, are one of the most deeply sad/inspiring/true words I have heard, and so I thought it would be ok to post the link here.

[Ralion]

ok ok, I know this is a song, but the lyrics to the song, for me, are one of the most deeply sad/inspiring/true words I have heard, and so I thought it would be ok to post the link here.

Fix'd.

[Grammer]

Thanks. I kept getting Skip-Screen error messages when trying to open it >.<

Nice song.