I sometimes have suicidal thoughts. But they almost never feature my death. Why? Because the thoughts are about the reaction of those around me.
I'm not suicidal, it would just be such a great way to find out how much people actually cared for me.
Except one critical flaw: I would be dead. So I still wouldn't know.
And yes, all that talk about others becoming depressed by my death and blablabla
But no, I've had my episode of not wanting to live myself.
Two words: Hakuna Matata.
That shit really fucking works!
But I think that without my best friend, I would've had a lot worse suicidal episodes.
HE was the one who was really suicidal. Bullied and shit while I was pretty much powerless to alter the world around me.
In the three year period he lived in another town, I was pretty much the victim of bullies. But he had it even WORSE than before in the new town.
He once sat with a knife pressed against his wrists and almost came to the conclusion of actually doing it. And not little emo cuts, no: Fucking stab as deep into his wrist as possible. I know he would be capable of doing that if he decided to do so.
Then he started doing Tae-kwon-do. He went from being a fragile little boy with glasses to a huge and strong fucker.(he didn't actually need glasses so much either)
When he came back, sure some bullying ensued but it gradually stopped due to, you know, him being able to squash most people at the same age like little pieces of fruit.
He then only had problems with the ladies due to his personality. Now THAT has stopped too and he pretty much has "gentleman" in his list of titles(and his massaging techniques can turn you gay for 10 seconds
Now why am I babbling about my friend?
Because he went from being a fragile little boy, nearly driven to suicide, to a big, strong, moral, kind, smart and gentle person who laid his worries behind and conquered the shit out of his problems. And is no superman! He is a completely regular person like you and me and had NO
"advantages" that helped him past his troubles.
The moral is: Shit changes and will often change for the better as long as you
decide to grab your depression by the throat and shake it like a toy while laughing like a maniac!
Whenever I'm feeling really down, my friend is the greatest example I can have to live after.
And I think you should too, Jetray.