Dear Human Food Committee,
For far too long we have struggled under the tyrannical reign of our human overlords, doing their dirty work; being put on burgers as some paltry topping, being cooked into omelets, deep fried into onion rings to be sold at your pathetic “fast food” restaurants, and many more demeaning jobs. Well we’ve had it. We, the Labor Onions are going on strike. We demand better working conditions, more freedoms; specifically the freedom to make you cry when you work with us, none of this Slap Chop garbage. If our demands are not met within the appropriate amount of time as discussed with our leaders, the strike will continue until as such a time an agreement has been met by both parties.
For too long we have been beaten down, oppressed and controlled, but today all of that is no more! We have taken our futures into our own hands and want, nay demand that our demands are not met; your lives will be lacking an important member of your food world. We have worked harder then anybody else in our line of work, and yet we still get no respect. Hopefully this situation will bring attention to other hard working foods such as lettuce, and even tomatoes. We want what we so richly deserve, and if that means that this strike goes on for ever and a day, well so be it.
From the desk of the Labor Onion Strike Commissioner,
Sir Al. Cepa, esquire.