Writing help 2

[OMGzombies]

This is my write up and explanation of the virus from a scientist's point of view. Basically, I wanted to virus to first spread like the flu, then change to where it started overtake the infected and kill them and then resurrect them. After this, the only way for the virus to be transmitted was via zombie bites and scratches. But the scientist is presently unaware of any rumors of reanimations.

Just let me know if this sounds legit. It was a hard attempt to write, because I'm not in any medical field, nor do I watch house, er, or anything of the sort.


“The ZNR-001 virus is very perplexing. After attempting numerous tests, theories, and every trick in my book. My diagnosis has still come up inconclusive. What we do know is that the virus isn’t airborne, doesn’t need air or water, and can survive in the vacuum of space. The main bulk of the virus seems to reside in blood cells, and salivary glands. Which is how we theorized it spread originally. It has now since mutated and seems to need a certain x-factor in which I am unable to duplicate. In humans we’ve seen a variety of flu like symptoms, all appearing fairly quickly when infected. But when injected into live specimen it kills the host within minutes without any of the cataloged symptoms we’ve seen. When injected into dead tissue cells the virus becomes dormant. When using these samples further, it seems that there is a unusual change in cells between the pre or post mortem treatment. The virus seems to have lost its infectious nature when injected into previously dead tissue, but seems to keep its transmittable capabilities when the host is alive. My hypothesis is that the virus requires a host that can sustain it as it matures. Unfortunately the mice at my disposal can’t seem to facilitate in which it needs to display the symptoms or cellular behavior that humans are experiencing. So I am currently unable to conclude any of my findings.”

[Dodom]

Globally, it would be fine even if the science isn't strictly accurate, given that you already have to cut round the corners to make zombies sound plausible. I'll make an effort to nitpick, and you take what seems pertinent out of the list:


"After attempting numerous tests, theories, and every trick in my book. My diagnosis has still come up inconclusive."
- Merge the two sentences, as the first is a fragment.
- Diagnosis probably isn't the word you mean. All I can think up in its place is research, but you may find better.

"What we do know is that the virus isn’t airborne, doesn’t need air or water, and can survive in the vacuum of space."
- Viruses don't need air or water as a general rule, and don't fear vacuums either. Whether a virus can go in space (where hosts are very scarce) isn't the first concern of biologists. If you want to mention space, you may want to say it as an hyperlative: "It has such a resistance to UV light and other radiation that it could even survive in space!" (viruses normally being too sensitive to light to survive in space)

"The main bulk of the virus seems to reside in blood cells, and salivary glands."
- Main bulk sounds redundant to me, but maybe that's just me.
- Sciencey note: if the virus had an affinity for epithelial cells, it would infect the inner layer of blood vessels and therefore be very concentrated in blood, and every mucosa, making it present in the mouth too. Since it hasn't been studied for long, finding what kind of cells it replicates in is more likely if there is only one.

"It has now since mutated and seems to need a certain x-factor in which I am unable to duplicate."
- If injecting it into a new host kills it within a few minutes, it doesn't seem to be missing any "x-factor". Do you mean its previous behavior couldn't be reproduced?
- When a virus mutates, the previous string still exists, so you'd still have some flu-like cases and some deadly cases. If all the flu cases turn deadly after a time, then it was part of its life-cycle all along.

"When injected into dead tissue cells the virus becomes dormant."
- Losing its infectious nature after being in dead tissue for a while is normal behavior for a virus, as they need live hosts. Since the scientist isn't aware of the reanimation stage yet, he wouldn't stress it.

"Unfortunately the mice at my disposal can’t seem to facilitate in which it needs to display the symptoms or cellular behavior that humans are experiencing."
- I find this sentence confusing.

"So I am currently unable to conclude ON any of my findings."



Here. As I said, I made an effort to nitpick, so don't be alarmed by the number of comments I left! You dismiss the ones you don't find useful and that's all.

[OMGzombies]

TYTYTYTYTYTYTY!